If we are to become Europeanized, then shouldn’t we expect a half-way decent train system, never mind running on time. Besides our friends from India will want to visit the newly brought down-to-size USA, and thus we will need more tracks and trains.

Those of us left behind are pretty sure it is both and more. Newspapers need talent to do stuff just as much as any other entertainment venue. Chances are our Council members, not being paid that much anyway, think of the trip as part of their “perks,” and the Mayor needs to get his name and maybe a picture in some kind of media, just the usual political theatre. Heck, just a website might be enough.

Besides, everyone knows that Sutton’s Law has been amended: you remember the bank robber, Willie Sutton, some years ago, when finally caught was asked “Why he robbed banks?” He replied, “Because that’s where the money is.” Of course, the money no longer is in banks, but it can apparently be found under the cushions where our congressional masters sit in Washington DC. Hence the need for the amendment of the law and hence the need for our City Council, with begging bowls in hand, to go to Washington DC. And we know they don’t answer phone calls or emails do they?

While we’re on pleasure trips disguised as business, it turns out the Gazette also had one of their premier columnists, the very shy but extremely talented Dr Alan Muskett, write up one of his medical convention junkets in his wise monthly column, called simply Plastic Surgery. In addition to being a certified plastic surgeon he is also a certified member of P.O.E.M., the Professional Organization of English Majors.

He doesn’t give lame excuses for going on trips. He tells it like it is. He goes on these occasional trips to see how others are doing his particular kind of surgery and compares and contrasts what he sees with what is being done right here in River City. He also gets to exercise his humor organ by noting that “Between [I'm sure he meant to say 'among'] the wives and industry reps, there were enough over-sized breast implants that, if dropped on Afghanistan, would crush the Taliban.” Or maybe Dave Barry is writing his stuff. And he has some good things to say about Billings and how we practice medicine.

Am I lucky or what? Carefully secreted in the back pages of the Gazette want-ads, all on the same page, are my three favorite comics: Mother Goose & Grimm, Dilbert and Mallard Fillmore. And in addition, the Sudoku puzzle and usually the bridge column are nearby too. Now, if we can just talk them into moving Pickles to the same page we are BFsF.

Well, there is one more thing: Very Easy and Easy Sudoku puzzles Monday through Wednesday are too many. Maybe one Easy would be OK but those of us addicted to these puzzles would prefer to start at Medium and go up fairly quickly.

OK, my friends at the Gazette, have you got that? Today’s MG&G was a classic.